Lick-ur-ass allsorts

The subtle art of ass-licking/kissing is a form of creative expression that many prefer to shun. But those who practise it, and practise it well, can really use it to utmost benefit. In this art, there are many viewpoints... you can see things from the eyes of a lick-er, a lick-ee, the act of licking and the lick-o-phobics. I fall into the last category, so my account is probably skewed.

Lick-er
They're true-to-life sycophants. They know what they want & they know who can help them get it. Generally too spineless to make a sincere effort, they prefer to take the easy way out by licking the right asses.

Lick-ee
Lick-ees are ickier than the lick-ers. (hehe, i like that line.) Their egos are massively inflated. Generally spotted with a coterie. Or a constant companion of the opposite sex. They could be old and senile. They're usually hated & lonely, which increases their urge for having their asses licked.

The Act of Licking
This could take any form:

• Constantly hanging around the lick-ee and nodding away, agreeing with what he says.
• Trying to be as much like the lick-ee as possible. Imitation is the best form of flattery you see.
• Carrying info to the lick-ee.
• Doing the lick-ee's cooking, laundry, dog-walking etc.
• Other ahem... favours

And the licker could get anything in return - jobs, a role in a movie, shopping trips, authority to make decisions, weekend outings (to spot asses) and good grades.

For the Lick-o-phobics, it is frustrating. Especially when the lick-ees pretend to come clean. Especially when you know that they're telling titanic lies. But you assure yourselves saying that the screwy old lick-ers & lick-ees will rot in hell.

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Been on party-mode for last two nights. Going out to dinner mostly... and sleeping. Badly need to be Smirnofficated.